Intermissionary Position
by LemonMeringueTart
Summary: Jane & Maura watch television. Things get dirty. If you want more details, read the story. It's only a few pages.
1. Chapter 1

This is just a little something that was floating around my mind. I'm pretty sure it's just a one-shot, but you never know.

I have to give credit where credit is due, and would like to thank my buddy for trying to teach me all I need to know about grammer while she proofed this for me. You're a peach.

I don't own Rizzoli or Isles. If I did, there'd be way more smooching.

Oh - about the title. It was just going to be called "Intermission" but then this popped in my head and I couldn't resist. It's hilarious, I know. Thanks.

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><p>"Jane, stop it. I'm trying to concentrate." Maura huffed at the brooding detective, never taking her eyes from the television screen.<p>

Jane made a face at the Medical Examiner's profile which didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. Pretending to ignore Jane's antics was often a losing battle. At times, if Maura ignored her it would cue Jane to act more appropriate to her age. Other times, being disregarded would incite the brunette detective to 'up her game' and become more and more unruly, much like an overtired toddler.

This was clearly one of Jane's more immature moments. Despite Maura's best efforts to pay attention to what she considered a fascinating look inside the unique feeding habits of the blue catfish, it was a losing battle trying to ignore her lover.

First, Jane began to cross her eyes. This was her most common tactic. Once ignored, she'd move on to sticking her tongue out in various ways. Maura found it to be the most adorable when she kept her eyes crossed and stuck her tongue out to the side. When that didn't gain Maura's attention, Jane would sigh once. Loudly. The sighs would increase in frequency and become more and more dramatic. Following the sighs came the tapping.

The tapping, both monstrous and methodical, was always a lovely reminder of Jane's musical abilities. It was clearly the work of a former piano child prodigy, as Jane could keep time better than any metronome. She'd start by gently tapping her leg, her long index finger rhythmically hitting her denim-covered slender thigh. Eventually, she'd add a melody rhythm, the fingers of her right hand grazing over her other leg. It was if she was playing a concert hall concerto right there in her living room.

As much as Maura appreciated her talent, especially when she was showcasing her rhythmic abilities in the bedroom, it was incredibly distracting when there was another task at hand.

If the tapping didn't get the desired attention from Maura, Jane would resort to her last tactic. This one, regardless of Maura's determination to ignore it, always worked. Without fail.

It would start with Jane holding her breath. Maura's stomach would flutter when she would hear the dark-haired woman cease to breathe with the anticipation of what would come next. Her heart pounding, she'd try valiantly to focus on whatever just a few seconds ago had foolishly seemed more important than Jane.

Jane, still breathless, would extend one long arm into Maura's space and gently begin to trace the outline of her jaw. It didn't matter where Jane started this – whether it be in the car, in Maura's office, in the elevator, the bathroom at the Dirty Robber, etc. It had the same effect, every time.

Maura would feel the blood rush to her face, as if Jane's very touch consumed her and set her afire. She'd try to maintain a bit of dignity, and would attempt pathetically to shrug her off. Sometimes, she'd add an annoyed huff in a thinly-veiled attempt to have the tall detective leave her be.

More often, she'd find herself tilting her head to the side to allow Jane easier access to her neck. Jane's slender fingers always obliged, liberally stroking every available inch of Maura's pale skin.

Today, Maura crossed her arms stiffly. She was determined to continue watching her documentary, regardless of Jane's diversionary maneuvers. When Jane's hand meandered into her space, Maura grabbed it firmly and held it between her own. This stalled the tall detective for a moment, and Maura enjoyed the peace and quiet while the brunette contemplated her next move.

The blue catfish swam dreamily around on the television, and Maura smirked as she saw, out of the corner of her eye, a pout settle across Jane's face.

"Maura." Jane whined, throwing her head back against the sofa cushions. Her hair fanned messily across her shoulders like untamed vines.

"Shh," Maura hissed, never taking her eyes from the television.

"This is so boring," Jane continued. She struggled unsuccessfully to pull her hand free from Maura's grasp.

"Be quiet," Maura demanded. "And pay attention. You might learn something."

"I don't care about stupid fish," Jane muttered, continuing her pout. "I swear, you make me watch these shows as punishment. Is this about your sweater getting put in the dryer?"

"Shh," Maura's patience was clearly at its breaking point.

"Because I told you that was an accident. I didn't try to shrink it so it would fit snugly across your voluptuous breasts," Jane continued, grinning.

"Please stop talking," the blonde replied.

"Maura!" Jane raised her voice, flailing around on the couch.

"Is it possible for you to sit quietly and behave for five minutes?" Maura asked, finally annoyed enough to give the detective her full attention. "I have serious concerns about your inability to settle yourself. You are acting as if this very expensive sofa is a bucking bronco."

"I'm bored," Jane answered defensively.

The blonde huffed. "I'm sorry that I bore you."

"You don't bore me. This dumb show does." the brunette grumbled. "Sorry for wanting a little of your attention."

Maura looked upon her lover fondly. "Really, Jane." Smiling, she continued. "If you'd like my attention, try asking for it instead of throwing a tantrum and acting like a demented toddler."

Jane frowned. "Fine." She glanced at Maura, her dark eyes skeptical. "Maura, could I please have some of your attention?"

Maura glanced at the television and saw that a commercial was on. Turning on the couch, she climbed into Jane's lap and sat so she was facing the detective.

Jane grinned as Maura settled into place and leaned forward so their chests were pressed together. She placed a quick kiss to Jane's long neck, pausing to nibble at the detective's prominent collarbone.

"Jane, did you know that in the 1960's, an hour long television program would actually contain fifty-one minutes of content?" Maura paused to rock her hips into Jane's and plant another kiss, this one less delicate, to her neck.

"Uh, sure," Jane murmured as she ran her hands underneath the blonde's shirt. She tried to suavely unhook Maura's bra, but her hands kept trembling in response to the blonde's rocking hips against her owns and the feel of her soft mouth running up and down her neck.

"You did know that?" Maura asked, pulling back to look Jane in the eyes. Jane nodded vaguely and Maura smiled triumphantly. "I'm proud of you! You were paying attention to the 'History of Television' documentary we watched on Netflix last night."

Jane nodded again in response. In reality, she hadn't absorbed anything during that particular program. She had spent the entire hour thinking of interesting sexual positions for car sex she could get Maura into if they went ahead and purchased that little Mini Cooper that Maura had her eye on. So far, the 'backwards-bent-donkey' seemed to be the most difficult. They'd have to try that one on yoga day.

"Well, then you should know that today, the average hour-long program has only forty-two minutes of program content. The other eighteen minutes consist of advertising materials for commercial breaks." Maura's hand gracefully crept underneath Jane's shirt and took a firm hold on her breast. Her other arm snaked behind Jane's head. She firmly held the detective in place as she groped her, her hips never ceasing their movement.

"Wow." It was all Jane could think of to say. Wow was all that she felt, as well. Completely enveloped in all things Maura, Jane was in heaven. It was all she had been hoping for, to be the sole object of her lover's attention.

"My point, Jane, is that we have approximately one minute and five seconds left of this commercial break. Make the best of it."

And with that, Maura's hand boldly snaked its way into Jane's pants and found itself engulfed in wet heat. Jane hissed into the blonde's ear, her fingers finding purchase on Maura's hips.

Though no pianist, Maura had rhythm of her own. Rhythm was the simple application of mathematics and Maura excelled at finding the common denominator that resulted in providing Jane with the most pleasure possible.

Jane held onto the blonde's hips for dear life as Maura moved her fingers inside of her. Deftly sliding in and out, Maura added the twisting motion she knew Jane adored. Her breath hot against Jane's neck, the detective closed her eyes and allowed her head to hit heavily against the back of the couch cushion.

"Oh," Maura said, suddenly stopping the motion of her fingers. "The show is back on." She pulled her hand out of Jane's pants and smiled at her lover. Jane was staring at her wide-mouthed, much like a catfish.

"You've got to be kidding me." Jane sputtered, her face flushed. Her chest heaved with the effort to return her breathing back to normal.

"No, I'm not." Maura smiled. Turning her attention back to the program, she waited with anticipation for the next commercial break. True, it would have been much more kind – not to mention more fun – to finish what she had started, but someone needed to give Jane a taste of her own medicine.

Plus, it would be very interesting to see what antics Jane displayed during the next nine minutes of programming.


	2. Chapter 2

WOW - thanks for all the story alerts for this one, folks! I know I haven't responded to reviews yet - this site is being strange. I will do so, as soon as it will let me! :)

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><p>Much to Maura's shock, Jane abruptly got up from the sofa and stormed down the hallway, muttering under her breath the entire way.<p>

Maura flinched as she heard the bedroom door slam loudly shut. "Now I've done it," she murmured to Bass, who was lying calmly near her feet.

"Jane," Maura called weakly, and when silence echoed in return she shook her head sadly.

Jane was clearly exhibiting childish behavior. She obviously enjoyed teasing others, but wasn't able to good-naturedly accept teasing in return. Maura had been trying to prove a point but had never intended on Jane becoming upset.

For several minutes, Maura sat in place on the sofa with her arms crossed stiffly over her chest. She was torn whether to go to Jane and apologize, or stand her ground as she didn't think she had done anything wrong. It certainly wasn't her fault that Jane could dish it out but not take it in return.

Besides, Maura had made it crystal clear from the beginning that she had a valid interest in the television program and had preferred not to be disturbed. Jane would have reacted in the same way if Maura had interrupted a new episode of "The Closer."

However, now she couldn't concentrate on the documentary, as fascinating as she found the large bottom-feeding fish.

Jane was frustrating and annoying at times, but she still found everything the tall detective did endearing. As much as she hated to admit it, Jane had her wrapped around her long fingers, and Maura did want that to change. She worshipped the lovely brunette, heart and soul, and petty annoyances shouldn't distract her from the loving woman who chose to stand by her side.

Besides, that's what DVR's are for. It would have been so easy for Maura to simply record the program and lavished full attention on her detective. Instead, she had to try and prove a point, and now Jane was upset.

"Dammit," she huffed to herself as she gracefully rose from the couch. She stomped down the hallway, intent on finding Jane and making this right.

"Jane," Maura said as she pushed opened the darkened bedroom door, her voice made steel with intention.

The bedroom was empty.

Maura glanced around, noting the still perfectly-made bed and pristine surroundings. Jane certainly couldn't have spent any time in here without disturbing Maura's carefully chosen placements of their belongings. There were no dirty clothes strewn on the floor, no indentations of the bed pillow where Jane's angular frame had lain, and everything on the bureau was still in its rightful place.

The bathroom door was ajar and behind it was only darkness. Jane couldn't have been in there, either. For a brief second, Maura felt afraid. What if Jane had actually left? Was she that upset over Maura's attempt at payback that she'd leave?

There. A rustling behind her alerted Maura to something out of the ordinary. A quick glance behind showed only the closed closet door and no sign of Jane, Jo Friday, or Bass.

The closet door was firmly shut, and no light was emanating from underneath. Maura couldn't get Jane to spend time playing dress-up in the large walk-in closet for anything on a regular day, let alone when they were in the middle of a fight. The detective certainly wouldn't be in there looking for clothes in the dark. She clearly wasn't in this wing of the house and must have walked back down the hall without Maura noticing.

Maura heard the noise again, louder this time. It sounded like there was someone inside the closet and they were grasping against the door in the dark interior, trying to find the knob.

Maura crept toward the closet, her right palm flattened and held at an almost-ninety degree angle from her arm. Using her left hand to fling open the closet door, she acted on instinct as a tall and shadowed figure jumped out at her. Using an upward thrust, she aimed at the figure's facial region and struck rapid-fire three times with the heel of her palm.

"Fuck!"

"Jane?"

"Ow! Maura, what the fuck?" Jane was on the floor, clutching her mouth.

"Jane! I'm so sorry, I had no idea it was you," the M.E. gushed as she crouched down to help her lover.

"Who did you think it was? Santa Fucking Claus?" The detective writhed around on the floor in pain. "I taste blood, Maura. Blood."

"Sit up and tilt your head back," the M.E. ordered as she struggled to help Jane up. True to her childlike nature, Jane fought her and insisted on doing it on her own.

"Let me see," Maura demanded.

Jane gingerly removed her hands, displaying an already bruising chin and puffy lower lip. Her chocolate eyes were full of despair as she regarded Maura pathetically.

"Open up."

The detective complied, tentatively opening her mouth. Inside was a fair amount of blood and a large laceration where Jane's teeth had damaged her tender mouth due to the severity of Maura's strikes.

"Oh, Jane," the blonde wailed. "I'm so very sorry. I had no idea it was you."

Jane just glared at her in return.

"Don't be angry with me," Maura pleaded, "it was an honest accident."

Jane got to her feet and allowed Maura to lead her into the bathroom.

"I'm not angry with you," she sighed. "I'm just grateful you didn't think to get my gun."

Maura narrowed her eyes at the detective, but decided not to retort back. She had already done enough damage tonight and certainly didn't want to worsen the tall detective's mood.

Handing Jane a cup of water so she could rinse her mouth, Maura guiltily watched the blood from her laceration swirl with the water and go down the drain.

"I'm so very sorry," she said again, rubbing Jane's broad shoulders.

"It was my own fault. I should've known better than to try and scare you. Of course you wouldn't just scream like a girl," Jane answered.

"You were trying to scare me? On purpose?"

Jane regarded the blonde warily. "Uh, yeah," she shrugged halfheartedly, "paybacks, and all."

"That is highly inappropriate behavior," Maura scolded as she shook her head angrily at her lover.

"Please save the lecture for when I don't feel like I've been steamrolled," Jane mumbled.

Maura stood up a bit straighter. "I did take you down quite effortlessly, didn't I?"

"No," Jane snapped, "I only didn't fight back because I knew it was you."

The blonde smirked, one eyebrow elegantly arched.

Sighing, the detective put up her hands in defeat. "Okay, I'll admit it. Your defense was well-timed and effective."

"Thank you," Maura responded primly. She gloated for another second, until she saw the miserable look on Jane's face. "I'm really sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," Jane stated tiredly. She rubbed her eyes and gingerly extended her jaw. "But can we stop talking now? It hurts."

Nodding, Maura stood up and kissed Jane gently on the top of her head. "Certainly." She inspected Jane's jaw once more and nodded to herself. "I am going to the kitchen to get you some ice. And then I will spend the entire night trying to make you feel better. Let me know how I can make this up to you."

As the blonde trotted into the kitchen, Jane smirked lopsidedly at her back. All in all, her injury wasn't anything more than a mild nuisance, and Jane would surely enjoy reaping the benefits of Maura's guilty conscience for the remainder of the evening. She had several ideas in mind, and none of them involved television, documentaries, or blue catfish.


End file.
